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It's funny, slowly and stealthily you convince yourself that you are no longer a horny bean head driven by blissful illusions of immature emotionality, idealistic confidence and stubborn stupidity, you have grown into a rough cocoon, raped in heartaches, failed experience and triumphant resignation to a dream slaying reality. Until one day you look into your egocentric pitiful ass and realize you are no less confused than in your savage masturbating teen days. Now you’re simply clung to a half inflated  buoy of rationality in middle of a stormy sea of unsolved sentimental issues and windy moral contradictions.

As time goes by, life becomes a tsunami that gets bigger as it gets closer, adding conflicting challenges every time you try to relax in the oasis of sunny and calm conventionality beach. And then it runs you over, drowning you in doubt and regret. You get fed up with been responsible, with obligations and duties, making choices, deciding, doing the right thing, for you and for others. You don't want it any more, it's not worth it because there is no "it", there is no prize at the end, the ride isn't as fun as it is winding and full of pit holes. Finally running away becomes a tempting analgesic drug.

But If you’re lucky, something or someone will slap your self loathing stoned brain with a bit of sense, remind you that life is life, you don't get to choose it and you can barely leave a trace of your existence in it, an ephemeral trace is what we all are. There is no other point in doing what you do but doing it because it's what you want, want to do, want to be, because what you do is who you are. Sadly you can't always do it right because failing is inevitable when you don't have a fucking clue what to do, and you can't always know what to do because life doesn't come with instructions. The only way to move on is keep trying to do it better the next day, if you stop doing you stop being, if you stop being you die, rot in ashes of from a burning depression and sorrow for being trapped by reality and all it's unwanted circumstances. So you can choose; fall into the deception or try and fight for what’s yours, you, your beliefs, principles, values, whatever you want to call all what makes you who you are and keeps you alive, even after you die. In other words stop trying to grow up ,keep being a young, emotional, confident and stubborn dreamer. You’ll never be old enough to be wise enough, you’ll never be perfect, life will never be perfect, but you can always be better.